Well I didn't post yesterday. Well I guess I really didn't have anything to write about. But today I think I have a new subject.
The other day I posted about how silence is something we all need sometimes. Well today I've realized something about myself that I've been denying for a while. I'm scared of silence. There it is. I've admitted it. Of course there are only certain parameters and situations that I feel scared of the silence. For instance, in one on one moments, I feel especially forced to create conversation. It is not that I feel the silence is awkard. It's more like I fear what goes on during the silence. I fear what that silence means. There is one thing that I certainly am and that is a "worst case scenario" girl. My horrible head always likes to jump to the worst case scenario. No scenic route in reasonable-ville for my head. Worst case scenario first, reasoning later. Now, I do (usually) get to reasonable-ville I just tend to spend a little too much time at worst case scenario.
Back to my point. I know that I shouldn't always feel obligated to create conversation. If someone wanted to talk they would. However, when someone tends to keep quiet during times I feel are appropiate for polite banter, I tend to see it as a bad sign. I know this is irrational. I know there isn't anything to fear. I just do. I can't help it. The silence gives me time to think (bad idea) which sends my mind into overdrive. I start thinking of all the reasons someone might not want to talk right now. All of which are bad, at first. Then I try reasoning with myself. "Silence shouldn't be uncomfortable, we know each other well, we just have nothing to say, their tired, it has nothing to do with me, I just need to leave them be." Although all these things (and more) are going through my head, it doesn't keep me from multi-tasking and freaking out at the same time. In the end, 95% of the time the silence has nothing to do with anything bad. It just happens, I guess.
I'm not sure how to handle this problem. Do I have an over active imagination? Are these the kind of things that drive people away? Am I completely insane? Why do I always skip to my worst fears? Why do I get stuck on those worst case scenarios? How do I stop it?
Wednesday, July 19, 2006
Silence Part II
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1 comments:
I can understand what that feels like. You're someone who likes to know if things are all right with people, and when they're not you want to help. And I understand that a lot of times it's hard to read people and you want to try to read them without butting in. You're not crazy/insane, because I get that way too sometimes. You just have to do what you can to try and sort out the situations when you should ask if something's wrong with the situations where everything's fine.
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