Fucked Up

This is two part blog. First part, my totally fucked up dream. This dream literally made me wake up about to have a panic attack. In my dream she was there. She somehow convince all her "friends" to be part of some sort of experiment. She made them do all sorts of crazy shit like setting this house on fire, and trying to pull it down, something about the pool. Anywho, the point is that all there people were doing things that were dangerous.

So somehow I get it to stop. And as she is leaving I stop her and start yelling. Then somehow she is in my car and im driving and she is in the back seat all nonchalant while I'm screaming my head off. "Are you fucking insane?!?" "What the fuck were you thinking?!?!" "You could of killed someone?!?!" Shit like that.

(Oh wait, before all the craziness I remember talking to my friends and we were saying how the replacement is dressing like a boy now, and being called a boy in public. Which was really really random.)

And then I woke up. All riled up, pissed off, and about to have a panic attack. And I don't get panic attacks. It was seriously fucked up. If you know how to interpret dreams, please tell me.





Part Two:
As I'm sure some of you read. I'm walking away. I like her, alot. But this is too much, too hard. I am here. I am ready, boy am I ready. And yet I sit waiting, wanting. No more. It's my turn to lay back and let someone come to me. If she isn't gonna try neither am I. I know I'm being overshadowed by someone who is more available. Available as in socially available. I'm busy with school and work. And the time that I have she doesn't. I'm monogamous and can't help it. And when I see signs of someone else she likes more, I get discouraged. I'm lame I know. Just wanted to get it out.