Goodbye

I really love this song by Daughtry "Over You" I decided to post the lyrics and the song, then explain a little to as of why it works for me. (I've always hated when someone would post lyrics then never explain why they posted it. So here I will actually explain.

Now that it's all said and done,
I can't believe you were the one
To build me up and tear me down,
Like an old abandoned house.
What you said when you left
Just left me cold and out of breath.
I fell too far, was in way too deep.
Guess I let you get the best of me.

I really did let it all get the best of me. I let myself believe the lies I told myself for so very long. They built me up so high, made me feel so sexy, so brilliant, so good, then tore me down with a few thought out words, ("I do not love you as a companion anymore") and lie.

Well, I never saw it coming.
I should've started running
A long, long time ago.
And I never thought I'd doubt you,
I'm better off without you
More than you, more than you know.

I really should of seen this coming. The really sad thing is that I did. I felt it happening, I saw the future, I approached them about it and what happened? I was shot down. Made to believe I was being crazy. Made to feel once again that I was being irrational. They made me feel CRAZY. I am better off with out them. I no longer feel crazy, I no longer feel like I am struggling to pull them out of their shell, pull them to telling me what's inside.

I'm slowly getting closure.
I guess it's really over.
I'm finally getting better.
And now I'm picking up the pieces.
I'm spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together.
Cause the day I thought I'd never get through,
I got over you.

I am over you. Seriously. I have my closure, I have been told a new piece to my tragic story. A piece that I spent time defending. I DEFENDED them. I DEFENDED the person who lied to me, the person who assured me it wasn't "this" way. Oh, but it was. How fucking true that it was. I told so many that it wasn't that way, because they told me it wasn't. But it FUCKING WAS.

You took a hammer to these walls,
Dragged the memories down the hall,
Packed your bags and walked away.
There was nothing I could say.
And when you slammed the front door shut,
A lot of others opened up,
So did my eyes so I could see
That you never were the best for me.

They did destroy me. I let them ruin so many things for way too long. They walked away, and I actually thank them for that. BUT, they should have walked away 2 months earlier. They left, and now I'm free. I have so many doors opened, so many options for my taking. They were never the best for me. They were the best at times, but never the best for me.



Goodbye. I'm over you.

Fucked Up

This is two part blog. First part, my totally fucked up dream. This dream literally made me wake up about to have a panic attack. In my dream she was there. She somehow convince all her "friends" to be part of some sort of experiment. She made them do all sorts of crazy shit like setting this house on fire, and trying to pull it down, something about the pool. Anywho, the point is that all there people were doing things that were dangerous.

So somehow I get it to stop. And as she is leaving I stop her and start yelling. Then somehow she is in my car and im driving and she is in the back seat all nonchalant while I'm screaming my head off. "Are you fucking insane?!?" "What the fuck were you thinking?!?!" "You could of killed someone?!?!" Shit like that.

(Oh wait, before all the craziness I remember talking to my friends and we were saying how the replacement is dressing like a boy now, and being called a boy in public. Which was really really random.)

And then I woke up. All riled up, pissed off, and about to have a panic attack. And I don't get panic attacks. It was seriously fucked up. If you know how to interpret dreams, please tell me.





Part Two:
As I'm sure some of you read. I'm walking away. I like her, alot. But this is too much, too hard. I am here. I am ready, boy am I ready. And yet I sit waiting, wanting. No more. It's my turn to lay back and let someone come to me. If she isn't gonna try neither am I. I know I'm being overshadowed by someone who is more available. Available as in socially available. I'm busy with school and work. And the time that I have she doesn't. I'm monogamous and can't help it. And when I see signs of someone else she likes more, I get discouraged. I'm lame I know. Just wanted to get it out.