Please, make it stop. This is more than I can handle. Stop clouding me, it have ruined me. Ruined me for others, ruined things for me, ruined, ruined, RUINED. I don't want to be ruined, I want to be ok, I want to know with confidence that I will not break down, I will not freak out. My chest it burns, palpitates, melting within the walls. Yet, I smile, and laugh, the great actress that I am. The truth is, alone, in my car, in the shower, it hits me now and again, rushing, blazing, swallowing me. I fight and I struggle trying to hold back, but I can't. I want to forget that night, I don't want to think about what was said, or how it felt, things that mislead me, leaving me almost completely surprised and crushed.
However, I'm not completely broken, I have good times, I have bright moments, I'm not sad and depressed all the time. I've met some great people, people who make me feel good, make me feel beautiful, which I was sure would not happen again. And of course, there are my friends, which unfortunately I do not get to see as much as I would like. Distractions are welcome, yet I'm not sure if they help. If I'm distracted does it just deter my healing?
Maybe I just need some new companion ship......
Monday, March 12, 2007
Unsure, unstable
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1 comments:
I'm not sure if you're feeling this, but I'm sorry if it seems like I haven't been here for you through all of this. I feel bad and I want you to know I do care and I hope we can get together soon. I don't know what advice I can give, but I'll say this- if I were to put myself in this situation, I would go ahead and distract myself. I'd hang out with my friends, I'd get back into hobbies I might have put aside. Because the way I see it, the more you surround yourself with your friends and doing things you enjoy, you'll eventually get into that pattern and you'll be happy. I hope this helps in some way. I'm trying to go to Disneyland on Thursday, so hopefully I'll go and we'll have an awesome time.
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