It's All About Me...well sort of.

And damnit...sometimes it should be all about me. What is the point of life, but to better yourself, and by bettering yourself, bettering others? That was a lot of bettering. Anywho! I got on here to start a new phase in my blogging technique. Hopefully, on to something more positive and light. My past posts have been centered around relationships, girls, losing girls, trying to get girls, being pissed off at girls...etc. I'm tired of whining about what I want, what I didn't get, or who screwed me over this time. I'm sure you all are tired of it to.

So! It will be about me, and no one else, and in some way I hope that reading about me and how I do things, deal with things, and think about things, maybe you can take a piece with you to help you in your own life's ordeals.

I am no expert in life, by any means, yet for as long as I could remember I have had this knowledge that is way beyond my years and experiences. I have been able to give advice in subjects I have not experienced, or giving perspective to situations way beyond my years.

Call it what you want, but I believe I must have had several past lives, to accumulate such a knowledge of how people work. When my sister and I were little, my mother took us to one of her therapy sessions, to just see what the therapist thought of us. According to my mother, when all was said and done the women said, "Brittany seems to be an old soul, but for Kenna it is probably her first time around." Now if you know my sister and I on any level, you can probably see how true this statement is.

I don't equate my knowledge to smarts or intelligence in anyway. I guess I would equate it to intuition. Well, what I am trying to get at, is that I really enjoying helping people. By listening to them, by being that one person who they felt they didn't need to hold back. By giving advice when asked, and always offering a different perspective not previously thought about. I never want to tell any what to do, but rather, asking them the right questions to get them to figure out their own answer. Sometimes its easier to get to a conclusion by not providing answers, but providing questions. So, if you feel like I could be of any help, I implore you to ask away! Poor your heart out, no judgments here. Only understanding and self discovery.

New Horizons

Well for those of you who don't know, I recently found out my lovely ex-thing never loved me. Oh WAIT...correction...was never "in love" with me. Oh gee, that makes it sooo much better. Hooray for feeling like crap. Lucky for me, and lucky for her skinny, crazy, fucking INSANE ass I got over it in about 2 minutes. I don't love you anymore. I haven't for a long ass time. In fact I thought maybe we could be friends again! Guess not. Not that I would even WANT to after that shit. I am completely...flabbergasted (for lack of a better word). All I can do it widen my eyes, raise my eyebrows and shake my head. I can't even fathom how anyone could stay in a relationship for 2 years and 2 months and never have been "in love"! It's just ludicrous! I'm not sad about this anymore. I'm just livid. There is no way any sane person could do that. I've had some people tell me she is lying or she is just confused and doesn't know what she is talking about. Well thanks for the efforts at comforting me...but I doubt either is the case. I think she is being honest (for the first time in a LONG time). And unfortunately for me, it happens to be about me. Well you know what? I can handle this. This will not scar me. I am ready for love. I will not allow this crazy ass bitch to have any fucking influence on how I live and love. I am so strong and so confident that I have gotten past this.

You are in my dust. You cannot even imagine what sort of strength I have. I am loved, and will be loved until the end of time. I do not push people away (or shut them out to begin with)
. I embrace each day with optimism and strive to bring that optimism to others around me. Yes am I tooting my own horn. But GODDESS DAMNIT! I deserve to.

So in conclusion, you are FUCKED UP. I am more than ok and I am ready for something more fulfilling than you ever were.

A couple things

I've noticed a lot of people finding themselves someone. People are falling in love, falling in lust, finding some fun. Now you know me, I tend to be a content person by nature, I don't want to complain, and I really haven't complained in a while. (I mean, look at how long it has been since I wrote a blog!) But seriously...is there something wrong with me? I never seem to get anywhere. Girl after girl, date after date. No one wants anything more than that. I like a girl...I tell her...she likes me too! Now what? Wait, excuse me? You don't want a relationship? Well shit. Back to the beginning. Dead end after dead end. I'm either not relationship material or I end of getting forgotten or ignored all together. So I guess this is my way of saying..."HELLO?!?! I'M RIGHT HERE!" Please tell me WTF is wrong with me...I would really like to know, how it is so easy for everyone else but me?

Ok so I guess that is done. Ranting over, whining over.

Next thing...

Have you ever felt that there was one who got away? I've heard the phrase for all my life. But I've really been thinking about it. I think I may of encountered the one who got away. Someone I could of truly loved. Someone who was not only a friend, but a potential girl friend. However, I shouldn't blame myself for this, because I tried...oh how I tried. She was so resistant, and I didn't want to force it. But honestly...GAH. I can't do it anymore. I gave up, stopped trying...and now it has become clear, she isn't coming back. And there is nothing more I can say then, I think she got away. She is the one that got away. Well, oh well. I'm done. Moving on.

I find it quite appropriate

Today, well you know what today is. Let it be known, this will be the first year I have EVER disliked (well, hated) this day. Some of you may think it shouldn't be a big deal, it's just another day, right? No its not. This day is tainted for me, severely tainted. And I'm going to tell you why.

So this day last year was the last day I felt everything was alright. The last time I saw them. Saw them for what I believed them to be. For what I believed it all to be. Five days went by, five days of doubt, five days of longing, mis-communication, lies.

Five days passed, then my entire world fell away. I wasn't loved. I was no longer wanted.

So excuse me for being a tad bitter today.

I think it is justified.